Okay! Now you went and did it!
You have reached the end of the internet!
Life, as you know it, will cease!
Nothing else to Google or Yahoo search?
Here are a few life saving suggestions:
1. Learn how to verbally communicate with others using verbal skills rather than using a chat room, email or instant messaging. You might want to start by picking up the phone, dialing a wrong number and saying "I'm sorry!" Try short, choppy sentences at first then work you way up to big complex sentences.
2: Get up off your chair and try walking, take short steps at first then gradually increase the distance until you can no longer see your computer. For Heavens sake, give your hemorrhoids a break! If you have a problem leaving your computer for any length of time, seek the services of a trained professional for counseling.
3. If you have forgotten how to drive ask a friend to take you to a brick and mortar store. Believe it or not, you can actually see and touch what you want to buy. Forget EBay, Amazon, Target and all of those wonderful online shopping locations. Did you forget that when you shop in a real store you can take the merchandise home with you.
4. Try communicating verbally with members of your family if they have not moved while you spent your life on the computer. When is the last time you had a real conversation with your son(s) or daughter(s)? Shocked to see that your son now has a beard? Equally shocked to find out your daughter is married and you have three grandchildren and all of this happened when you were on EBay!
5. Try attending the church of your choice. Learn about the Creator. Do not to be shocked when you find out the Creator's name is NOT Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. Shocking huh?
6. I know it's fashionable and even acceptable to email or IM your child when it is time for dinner. Try walking over to your kids and telling them "dinner is ready" and look at their faces. If they seem shocked that you actually communicated verbally with them maybe it's time to lock them out of their computer!
7. Try going to your computer once every 24 hours to check your email. If you own a Crackberry try checking your messages once daily. I'll bet you can't do it! You are officially a slave to technology!
8. Take note of how your cell phone is programmed to give of an annoying beep if you miss a call, receive a voice mail or miss a text message. Ever feel like smashing it into tiny pieces? Ever notice how little icons appear on the screen and you don't know what the hell they mean without downloading an Adobe file for instructions. Then after reading the 147 page file it takes you 3 hours to clear the screen!
9. Recognize that the internet is out to get you! Try watching television news and note that sometimes you will be told to visit whatever dot com for the rest of the story! Watch a television show and be told that if you want some more of the same crap visit network dot com but do it fast because the offer expires in 24 hours.
10. Are you addicted to America's number one talent show. Is that how you spend your idol time? Don't forget to visit their web site for more of the SOS!
Seriously .... these are the signs and symptoms of computer addiction:
A person who is addicted to the computer is likely to have several of the experiences and feelings on the list below: How many of them describe you?
You have mixed feelings of well-being
and guilt while at the computer.
You can't make yourself get off the computer, even though you know you should.
Lose control of time while on the computer. You promise to quit or cut down, but are unable to.
You neglect friends, family and/or responsibilities in order to be online.
You find yourself lying to your boss and family about the amount of time spent on the computer and what you do while on it.
You may feel anxious, depressed, or irritable when your computer time is shortened or interrupted.
You may use the computer repeatedly as an outlet when sad, upset, or for sexual gratification.
You develop problems in school or on the job as a result of the time spent and the type of activities accessed on the computer.
You may have financial problems due to on-line purchases or gambling.
You are tempted to become involved in relationships with strangers, which may put you at risk for victimization or jeopardize your safety.
Being addicted to the computer also can cause physical discomfort. Are you suffering from the following medical problems?
Carpal Tunnel syndrome (pain,
numbness, and burning in your hands that can radiate up the wrists, elbows,
Eating irregularities, such as skipping meals
Failure to attend to personal hygiene
Now that you finally have stumbled on "The end of the Internet" you can seek professional help and GET A LIFE!
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